i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
