Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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