I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
