Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
