the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
