i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
