I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
