K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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