Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
