ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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