apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize