Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We need to rekindle our bromance
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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