i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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