If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never underestimate the power of titties
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize