Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize