I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
