Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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