she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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