I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
