OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
