And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
