I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
