my phone needs a breathalizer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
