you would pick up someone in the library
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
