so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
