we're chasing vodka with high fives
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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