Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
