Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
