All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
