But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
