so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
