This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize