4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
