i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
