Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
