I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
