Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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