I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
