One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize