you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
