College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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