people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
