you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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