How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
