I looked at my own cervix.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
