what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
