sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
