Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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