i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
