She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
