so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
