i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
