There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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