areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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