I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize