Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
