shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
