i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
