is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
