and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
