I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
