the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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