So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
