well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
