Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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