I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
