He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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