Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize