I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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